Lori's Neat-O Tag!

Cool Tag Lo!
I am taking on the challenge of Lo's cool tag...in hopes that this gets me back on my feet with blogging. Things have just been so crazy and hectic and busy and overwhelming and stressful and...and...and...excuses, excuses.
Okay, here it goes...

I am...a friend, a mommy, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a teacher, a recent grad (still proud of that!), a turbo coffee lover, a chocolate lover

I want...more time to prepare for "end of the school year stuff", more time with my daughter, more time with my friends, things to be the way they once were..., to be on the game show Deal or No Deal, more hours in the day.

I wish...Allie would stop growing up so fast, that there was no such thing as a broken heart, that I could see more of my friends, that I could see more of my mom and dad, that people we love dearly would not take take it for granted, that I could be a better friend and co-worker, that I had spent lots more time with the Councills when they lived in Sylva!, I knew what to say or do to make things right, that I could forgive AND forget.

I hate...being lied to, seeing people sad, seeing people angry, seeing people hurt, feeling sad, feeling angry, feeling hurt, bad memories that linger no matter what you do, not getting to see friends, not getting to spend time with friends, the inability to trust.

I miss...the days when Allie was a baby (I love the days I have with her now..but I also miss a lot about her being a baby), being a good friend, my friends that I have lost contact with, my friends that do not live close by, going shopping with Lo at Old Navy!, the days I could trust and not think twice about it.

I hear...everything that is said to me even if it seems I am not listening, things that I don't want to hear all too often

I wonder...why it had to happen, if I will ever get over and past it, how my kids did on their EOG tests, what my first adventure will be with Allie this summer, why we hurt those that we love the most, why I can't stick to my diet lately, why do I have to ride the bus on a Friday afternoon with bunches of kids..., if I am going to get everything done this week that I want to get done before my kids get out of school.

I regret...any time I have lost with Allie, taking out student loans during undergrad and graduate school, any time that I have lost with my friends, any time that I have lost with my family, any time that I have ever hurt anyone that I love, cutting my hair.

I am not...looking forward to riding the bus on Friday afternoon, the person I use to be, able to forget things I would like to forget, glad that school will soon be out because I will miss this group of kids, as strong as I once thought I was.

I dance...with Allie quite often to cute and fun songs, when I want it to snow

I sing...to myself, at church, in my car, terribly =}, along with Allie

I cry...when I am sad, when I am angry, when I am hurt, when I am happy, when I lose someone I love, when I get my feelings hurt, when Allie is sad or hurt, when I think of losing the group of kids that I have had for the last 175 days, when I look back at pictures from the past, when sad and painful memories come back to me, when I think about how things should have been, a lot more than I once did

I am not always...the friend to many that I should be, as patient as I should be, as sad as I may sound in some of these responses, as helpful as I should be, as tired as I have been recently, as organized as I want to be.

I make with my hands...dinner for my family, gestures that help me to get my point across, lots of arts and crafts with Allie.

I write...lots of things but I wish that I had more time to write more, what I think and what I feel much better than speaking it!

I confuse...everyone!

I need...a massage (ha), to make a trip to Commerce shopping, friends, family, to be loved, to lose weight, to slow down and take more time for myself, to get back in a regular workout routine, to go to the beach for about a week and just relax, at least 2 large turbo coffees a day (ha), more time with Allie, time alone, time with friends, to know the entire story, the truth, to be stronger, to know "why", to get over it!

I should...be cleaning my house, be taking a nap, be at school working on stuff for the end of the year, save more money, back off from caffeine, exercise more, take some time away and rest, relax and clear my head, reconsider doing National Boards next year, thank God more often for the blessings he has given to me.

I start...lots of projects that may or may not get finished, my summer vacation on June 16th, crying too easily, laughing at times I probably should not, acting goofy when I am tired, thinking about it at least once a day, being the mom of a kindergartener in the fall!

I finish...good books very quickly, a great cup of coffee!

I'm glad...for all of the true, dear, beautiful friends that God has blessed me with, for the beautiful daughter God has blessed me with, I teach 5th grade with Lori, I am finished with my Master's degree, we get to look forward to/spend each Easter with our Cool Councill friends, I was able to go to Kindergarten orientation with Allie today, that Allie is excited about going to school, Allie gets to go to Kindergarten at my school!

I live...each day to its fullest (well, I try to).

I pray...for family, friends, peace, good health, joy, happiness...., with Allie each night before bed, for strength to get through tough times (especially times you are just not sure what you are going to do to get through), for courage to stand up for what is right, for courage to stand up for what I believe, for courage to always do what I say I am going to do no matter what.

I seek...peace, an answer to "why"

I would rather...dance than sing, read than write, teach school than go to school, make money than lose money, forgive than hold a grudge (sometimes that is hard), laugh than cry, be happy than sad, live somewhere cold than hot, forget about the past few months than have to be reminded of them every day.

I prefer...happy kids, laughing kids, respectful kids, cold weather, hot coffee, long weekends, the truth - no matter what it may be - I always prefer to be told the truth, to not be played the fool, for someone to tell me how it is up front and not beat around the bush.

I know...I have many true and dear friends, my daughter looks up to me, that one day I will get my National Boards, that I am going to have a wonderful summer with my daughter, that I have to make my own decisions, that God is watching out for me, that karma is 'oh so true', that one day I will look back on this period in my life and realize what I learned from it (I hope) and make the best of it.

I must have...ORGANIZATION, coffee first thing in the morning, family and friends, good books, lists to go by daily, a plan at all times, specifics, inherited an obsessive compulsive/anal gene from somewhere, a clean house, a clean classroom, music to exercise, units, the truth...the whole story...the answer to "why".

I hope...that Allie enjoys school, to always be a good mommy to Allie, to be a good role model, that Allie always knows right from wrong, that I can handle all that I will encounter over the next many years of Allie going to school, that this summer goes by slowly, that all my friends and family know that I love them and cherish every moment I am ever given with them, that one day I will know why it happened, that one day I can find a way to move past the harsh, cold, hurt feelings that are dwelling in my heart, that one day I can forgive and move on.

Wow...I did not think that I would ever make it to the end! Wow...again. I started on this last Thursday and here it is Monday.
Thanks for the tag Lo!